14 posts tagged “meh”

I gained 3lbs.
I have neglected my blog.
I forgot to send my Read It Swap It book.
I have no motivation for work.
I am too exhausted for sex.
I chipped my tooth.

I suck.

Me, I am rebelling against sleep. I am sick of feeling obliged to fall asleep before 11pm so that I can get up for work the next morning. I want the choice of staying awake til 2am. I am, therefore, rebelling and typing randomness to take my mind off the obligation I feel to sleep (no mater how much I will regret it in the morning).

Randomness 1:
I really like the final track on The All American Rejects' album-When the World Comes Down. And I'm Yours, even though I have heard it a million times now.

Randomness 2:
I planned to do lots of things on my day off yesterday but very few of them actually happened. I am more than demotivated right now and although I know I need to shake it off, I don't think I will.

Randomness 3:
I miss writing.

Randomness 4:
To click my back is a dream I can never imagine coming true. I have a huge knot in my right shoulder blade that has been there since my back was playing up at the start of the month. I have tried to click it, stretch it, massage it, manouevre it, but nothing will budge it. I used to laugh at Tony when he said he needed me to stand on his back. Now, I understand it completely.

Randomness 5:
My spelling has gotten worse as I've gotten older. I do not know how to spell priviledge or manouvere. I even questioned my spelling of the word catalogue last week. Perhaps those scientists are correct- memory ability and brain function does decrease after the age of 27.

Randomness 6:
Meh. Enough. The thought of work tomorrow is clouding my thoughts. I have to sleep. Meh.

To sum this last month up...I suck.

I am falling behind (more like dragging behind) in everything.

I am officially a crap...

• daughter- my dad had an op yesterday and I forgot about it totally
• great granddaughter- I avoided visiting my great grandmother on Mothers' day and then didn't remember about it til Wednesday!
• housekeeper- despite my attempts to stay organised, the house is beginning to look like a rubbish dump again
• employee- now that I'm pretty much guaranteed the promotion, I've relaxed way too much and am getting sloppy
• bridesmaid- I haven't even replied to another bridesmaid's email about hen party stuff and I really should
• accountant- I need to put a cheque in the bank and transfer money and check my balance
• library user- my books are now three weeks overdue
• writer- where has all my creativity gone?
• reader- I can't concentrate on a book long enough to enjoy it; reading for the sake of it is kinda crap

Man, I need a few days off to catch up on my life. Roll on next week. Those three days of holiday are much needed.

I have lots to say but none of it worth saying. 

2009 hasn't really started as well as I had hoped it would. Actually, that's a lie. I didn't really have expectations of it being a particularly good or a particularly bad year, so I hadn't necessarily hoped that this week would be any better than last. Anyways, this week, the first week of a brand new year, has been pretty crap. That's not through lack of trying to make it a good week, might I add. I was told in work this week, by manager, that I am lazy. She said, "you're a worker Michelle, but you're lazy." She was referring to my apathy towards writing at the moment.  With regards to everything else though, I don't think I'm lazy. I get up; I go to work; I work hard and drive sales, not just sitting there and waiting for sales to happen; I come home; I cook dinner; I clean the house; I make sure my husband is ok; I shop; I blog; I keep in touch with people. I do stuff to make the weeks better than average. I try. And yet, this week, this year so far, has felt pretty crap.

For starters, Tony has had the flu- that wasn't a nice start to the year for him, and because I worry about him, nor was it a good start for me. Then, Tony was informed by his boss that they are cutting his hours in work. He is worried; I'm trying not to be. There are few jobs available elsewhere, with better money, for either of us. My great-grandmother is in hospital. Work is cold and everyone is moaning and it's bringing me down. We have two bills that need to be paid, urgently, and we can't do so until the end of the month; I'm concerned that the companies won't wait that long. The negativity that has pervaded the year thus far, is seeping in to my body and dragging me down. I feel lethargic. My hair and skin are pouting so I look crap. Everything feels drab and grey and lifeless. It sucks.

In order to banish the negativity, I have taken a few days off work. I don't care about the pennies I will miss out on as it will be such a small amount that it won't help anyway. I need to focus. I need to be away from the negativity of the people I work with and the cold that enters my bones the moment I step in to the store. I want to be at home, where I am free to organise what needs to be organised. Here, I can get my life in order and make the phonecalls I need to make. Here, I can spend time with Tony. Here, I can vent through the laptop and write away my feelings of apathy and drabness, in the hopes that the week to come will be an improvement, and if it's not an improvement, that I will feel more emotionally and physically prepared for the crap that is to come.

I totally woke up on it this morning. Headache, backache, groggy mind. Brothers & Sisters, Grey's and Gossip Girl have sorted me out though...kinda.

I didn't fall asleep properly until gone 3am this morning, which was infuriating. I couldn't relax; I couldn't get comfy; I was cold. Then Tony's gentle, sleepy breathing next to me managed to calm me, lull me in to restful sleep. He got up and went to work and, being as I don't have to go in to work until 6pm, I stayed in bed. It was one of those fitful sleeps where I knew I should get up because it was doing me no good, but I simply couldn't drag myself out in to the cold morning...or afternoon. Needless to say, I'm now kicking myself for wasting my last day off in bed.

It's 2pm and I have to get to Swansea by 6pm. I have to catch the bus, which means walking in to town (not too far) and hanging around the bus stops until the right bus comes around. I have no idea what time it arrives or how long it takes. I'm currently in my pyjamas, staring at a pile of dishes and eating breakfast. The big question is: can I be bothered to do the dishes before I go to work? Or shall I just go upstairs and put my war paint on? I only have to go to work for two hours- how irritating- to participate in a six-monthly staff meeting. I have to talk about perhaps one of THE most boring topics in the business- Fabric Protection Warranties. Awful! But, I'm going to give it a go, try to be informative as well as entertaining, and keep it as concise as possible. Fingers crossed, hey!

I can just feel it's going to be a 'meh' day...

Really, could it?

I think I should just go to bed now and start again tomorrow.

:(

I slep in too long this morning and now I feel too groggy to do anything productive. What's wrong with me? Isn't a long lie-in supposed to make me feel re-energised (just like my morning on the sofa was supposed to do yesterday) and raring to go join the rat-race for another day? It hasn't. I feel meh. And my landlord id coming to inspect the house tomorrow, so I really need to clean. But, I can't push myself to do it properly. This is why I am blogging randomness instead; it is an avoidance technique. Plus, I have to walk to work, which wouldn't normally phase me, but I just cannot be bothered. No, that's not right. It needs to be harsher... I cannot be arsed. I cannot be arsed to get up off this chair and tidy the house. I cannot be arsed to find and iron some work uniform. I cannot be arsed to get off this chair and make breakfast even. It's going to be a crap day and I can feel that without having left the house. A self-fulfilling prophecy, you say? Probably.

I need a holiday.

Yes, I do realise that we've only been home for six months, but I still need a holiday.

Work is fine. Marking is fine. Add the two together and my life is a blur of workmarkingworkmarkingsleep. No matter how much I moan, I'm still going to sign the contract in January next year, to mark in 2009. It's easy money. But, the last week of marking is always the hardest. I feel like I'm trying to walk through black sludge. I can see the end of the muck but I can't quite reach it. My legs start to ache the closer I get to it and the slower I go. Monday will soon be here though and then it will be a welcome relief to arrive home from work and not have to see the monstrous piles of exams 'greeting' me.

How I long to come home from work and actually finish work!  Spending time with Tony would be nice too, y'know, quality time when I am not surrounded by papers, with a red pen in hand and a look of annoyance/ boredom/ concentration on my face.

Hmmph. Holiday time, please! :(